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To visit my continued blog, please go to caring bridge.org and type in Kim Gonzales. Love to all!

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Chemo Deux!

Surprise party

Wow, what a day! And what better way to shake off a headache and stress than to have a SURPRISE CHEMO PARTY!! My husband and family are truly the best! I had been feeling anxious about tomorrow's (Monday's) treatment session, and I walked into Brindle's ice cream shop and was greeted by many warm, loving faces. I was thoroughly surprised, and responded with smiles and happy tears, followed by lots of laughter -- exactly what I needed! I'm now feeling more positive about going in tomorrow. Was really anxious about it, but now I just want to get on with it -- one step closer, right? So bring on the poison. I am determined to fight hard and conquer this. And all the amazing love, support and encouragement from family and friends is literally giving me strength. It is truly a blessing. I cannot thank you all enough.;) "It is possible to be content in every situation. Don't let your well-being depend on your circumstances. Instead, connect your joy to my precious promises: I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I will meet all your needs. Nothing in all creation will separate you from my love.". ~Romans 8:38-39

Posting comments

I know a lot of people have had difficulty posting comments on my blog, and I'm sorry it's been frustrating and confusing. Here is the simplest way to do so: Click "comments;" Click "Add comment;" Type your comment in the box; Under the box, where it says "comment as" select "Name/URL;" Then "Continue" and "Publish." I appreciate you all for taking the time, and whether you are able to comment or not, I am grateful to you for following me on this journey. I can feel your support, and it means the world to me. Hugs, Kim

Hair cut

I had a few inches cut from my hair this weekend, in hopes of making it a bit less dramatic when I lose it. I intended to go much shorter, but at the last moment I decided I wasn't ready. My mom and I also picked out some hats and scarves that will help me to feel a little less self conscious when the time comes. Feeling much better this week, and have a better appetite. And I will enjoy and appreciate every minute of feeling "well" during this week of recovery. I will be having my second treatment next Monday. Love to all!! ;)

Hi everyone. I'm feeling a little better today, aside from weakness and minimal appetite. All the healthy foods I had been eating in the past weeks, I cannot have at this time. It is what it is; I will eat what I can. I'm told this will all go by fast, yet the light at the end of the tunnel seems so very far away. When i think of how many more treatments I still have to go, i am daunted. I guess that's normal at this point. But one day at a time, I will get there. I catch myself feeling unmotivated, but I force myself to get outside and be active when I can. It helps to soak up the sun and the cool air. My dad spends afternoons with me and the boys. We take walks, and play. They love their Grandpapa..:) Thank you to my wonderful family and friends for your continued love and support!

Tough Day

Day 3- Kim is really feeling the effects of the chemo...She describes it like a bad flu- achy all over, nauseous, and tired.

But she's going toe to toe with chemo and has not given any ground.

The boys still make her laugh. Austin decided today that he wanted to have his 1:30 snack shirtless but with shoes. Anthony has learned that he can use his voice to scream. Loud. He really likes to use his new found power.

Changing Lives with Chicken Nuggets

By the time I backed into the parking space at the cancer center for Kim's first chemotherapy treatment, my poor gal was already bruised and exhausted from a 9 day "diagnosis sprint" with 3 medical oncologists and 2 surgeons ordering 3 ultra sounds, 2 biopsies, 2 MRIs, a bone scan, a CT scan, a mugga (whatever that is), a genetic test, a half dozen blood draws and surgical implantation of a subcutaneous medi-port on her chest. She was sore. I was scared.

The 9 days of needles and scans took its toll as soon as we arrived at the Center. The reality had only recently set in for me (I'm a slow learner), but Kim had been anxiously anticipating this moment since she first felt a lump on October 16th. Tears streamed down her face almost as soon as she sat down. I use language for a living but all I could do was hug her and say what we all say...

As the nurse began the efficient choreography of bag and tube assembly, Kim asked her to stop and explain everything before she began treatment. The nurse smiled and assured Kim that it would all go more smoothly if she explained it in real time, as treatment occurred. Kim bravely nodded through the tears. It was hard for either of us to talk.

Even through the tears, we could not help but notice a beaming smile coming from the corner of the room. Every now and then we could hear a chuckle. I squinted to focus on a pleasant middle aged woman celebrating her last day of chemotherapy. Blanca was there with her wonderful daughter Michelle. Blanca had received 12 treatments for a Stage 3 cancer and was thrilled to be done. She could tell we were scared but never stopped smiling. She told us that chemo would "go quick." "It goes quick, honey, and you have to have faith." Blanca was still smiling.

We struck up conversation and enjoyed our new friends. Michelle went to get her mom some lunch and asked if we wanted anything. We politely declined. Kim recently began a new cleanse diet.  In the last 9 days, she drank a farmer's market of fruits and vegetables, one pint glass at a time.

Michelle went on her way and Kim admitted it was a big mistake not to order something. Someone in the treatment center had McDonald's. We could smell french fries and cleanse diet be damned for the next 3 hours. 

Wonderful Michelle was back. She had ignored our verbal response and listened to our hearts. She brought us a 12 piece order Chick-Fil-A nuggets and offered us a cookie to boot. 

It was a simple and kind gesture. They knew we were scared, and they wanted to help. My faith in people was shaken long ago but now Kim and I had chicken nuggets. We were sharing and talking. The fear was always near but losing ground with every bite.

Blanca and Michelle spoke of faith and prayer and family and friends. We discussed shampoos and wigs and why cancer is a community of folks. Before we left, Blanca called Kim aside and asked if she was Catholic. She said, "We pray to our Holy Mother and it helps us." 

Blanca explained that when she first came to chemotherapy, she was scared and tearful. A nun gave her a card of scripture of the Holy Mother and it gave her peace. She smiled when she saw our tears because she knew she had to pass it on to Kim. She hugged Kim and said what we all do. But I believe Blanca. Her warmth changed me that day. Her gift moved Kim to tears. But we left with a different type of tears than we arrived. We had hope and Our Holy Mother.

Those two women changed our lives and gave us chicken nuggets. 

First day of chemotherapy was emotional. As I sat down and had nurses hook me up to the IV, I wept with fear. And at this moment, a woman came in announcing "this is my last one!!" she was beaming with joy. And through my tears, I celebrated with her, as did Roland, who was by my side. She was very encouraging, assuring me, "it will go by fast." As we talked more, I quickly felt comfort and ease, and gratitude. Blanca is her name, and her daughter, Michelle. When Michelle was leaving to pick up lunch for her mom, she offered to bring us something. We respectfully declined, and she brought us lunch anyway--a very thoughtful and friendly gesture. Connie was my nurse. She tended to me, discussed literatures about each of the drugs she was administering, and spoke of her family as well. Nurse Connie's husband has stage 4 cancer, and has not been responding well to treatments. I told her she and her family would be in my prayers, just as so many are praying for my healing. It was a day of blessings, meeting Blanca and Michelle, being well cared for during treatment, and then coming home to my wonderful parents who were looking after my sweet baby boys Anthony and Austin. My beautiful mom, you work tirelessly to take care of us...thank you. When evening approached, I found myself not feeling so well, so I rested. Today my dad accompanied me back to the doctor to get an injection which should stimulate my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells and keep my body's defenses up. This causes acheyness. But overall, I am doing ok. Thank you to all of you who have commented, sent prayers and well wishes. I feel your love and energy, and it will carry my through this process and straight into recovery. I love you all very much!

We are go for chemo!

The Beginning...

On Oct 16, 2013,  I noticed a lump, and by Oct 21, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I already knew it, but hearing it confirmed was still a shock. For the next week and a half, I had many procedures, evaluations, and emotional visits with doctors and surgeons. I now know that the tumor is 3 cm, and the good news is that there doesn't seem to be cancer anywhere else in my body.  But mine is at stage 2, and advancing rapidly, so I will have to start chemotherapy quickly, on Mon, Nov 4. I will have 20 weeks of treatment followed by surgery. Thank you to my family who has been by my side every step of the way, and to all of you who have reached out, offering your prayers, love, and support.  I have never felt more blessed, and the love that surrounds me will give me the strength to get through this journey and heal.